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If we broke up, your mom doesn't need to be contacting me trying to get the details

30 Minutes Ago

Auburn University

The only thing I get from dating/hookup apps (aside from the occasional 1-night stand) is validation that I'm not the ugliest person in auburn.

10 Mins Ago

I see you favorited my tweet. I accept your invitation for sex.

1 Hour Ago

There's a collection of us that silently acknowledge each other every morning at 9 AM as we head in to shit. I've dubbed ourselves the After Breakfast Club

2 Hours Ago

If you ever see an out of shape person running, don't laugh. They are doing the right thing

2 Hours Ago

Shoutout to my boyfriend in Afghanistan and all of our troops overseas, y'all are the real MVP's

3 Hours Ago

Washington DC

Suarez will most likely be in a snickers commercial now

3 Hours Ago

The pop tarts commercials are FUCKED UP. Tricking a pop tart to climb into a toaster and then pressing the lever down is some premeditated murder shit.

3 Hours Ago

UT Austin

Lebron ops out. Heat fans now free agents.

3 Hours Ago