If we broke up, your mom doesn't need to be contacting me trying to get the details
The only thing I get from dating/hookup apps (aside from the occasional 1-night stand) is validation that I'm not the ugliest person in auburn.
I see you favorited my tweet. I accept your invitation for sex.
There's a collection of us that silently acknowledge each other every morning at 9 AM as we head in to shit. I've dubbed ourselves the After Breakfast Club
If you ever see an out of shape person running, don't laugh. They are doing the right thing
Shoutout to my boyfriend in Afghanistan and all of our troops overseas, y'all are the real MVP's
Suarez will most likely be in a snickers commercial now
The pop tarts commercials are FUCKED UP. Tricking a pop tart to climb into a toaster and then pressing the lever down is some premeditated murder shit.
Lebron ops out. Heat fans now free agents.